The Science Behind Our Emotional Bond With Unconventional Pets and Why Their Loss Hurts

Why saying goodbye to a bird, rabbit, or snake can break your heart too

When people think about pet loss, they often picture someone grieving a dog or cat. But many of us have felt a deep connection with pets like birds, rabbits, reptiles, rodents, or fish. These animals may not always fit the traditional image of a “beloved pet,” but the bond we form with them can be just as meaningful.

Science supports this emotional truth. Our relationships with animals of all kinds—no matter how small, quiet, or unconventional—can activate the same psychological and neurobiological processes as our relationships with people. And when we lose them, the grief is real. These pets become companions, part of our routines and emotional lives, and their absence leaves a lasting impact.

Our emotional bonds with pets: Backed by Science

The emotional bond that humans develop with animals, beyond the traditional dogs and cats, has a scientific basis involving both psychological and biological theories. Various studies have shown that interactions with animals, like rabbits, birds, reptiles, rodents, and even fish, can trigger significant responses in the human brain, reinforcing the notion that our connections with these unconventional animals are deep and genuine.

One of the key psychological theories that helps explain these connections is attachment theory. Originally developed to describe the bonds between children and their caregivers, attachment theory has been expanded to include our relationships with animals. According to this theory, animals can become attachment figures, providing a source of security and emotional comfort. This connection is reinforced by the release of oxytocin, known as the "love hormone," during interactions with our pets, whether it's a hamster being petted or a fish swimming in its aquarium that we observe.

Neuroscience studies have revealed that the human brain responds similarly to different types of animals, suggesting that we are not limited to forming emotional bonds only with dogs and cats. For example, research has shown that the activation of the brain's reward system, which regulates feelings of pleasure and attachment, can occur when interacting with a variety of pets. This reward system can be activated both by the companionship and care of these animals as well as by simply observing their behaviors.

In summary, whether through attachment theory or the activation of biological reward systems, science supports the idea that humans can form significant emotional connections with a wide range of animals. These connections not only enrich our lives but also provide emotional comfort comparable to what we experience with dogs and cats, emphasizing the importance of recognizing and validating these bonds in our lives.

This neurobiological connection also helps explain why the loss of a pet can be so painful, often comparable to the grief we feel after losing a human loved one, whether the pet is a dog, cat, snake, hamster, fish, or cow. From a psychological standpoint, these pets often become important members of our families, and their absence leaves a significant void in our lives. The emotional connection we develop with our pets is not limited by species; their constant presence, the care we provide, and the daily interactions all contribute to creating a deep and meaningful bond.

The loss of unconventional pets may be even harder

The grieving process after the loss of a pet follows many of the same stages as grieving for a human: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. However, when the loss involves an unconventional pet—such as a snake, hamster, or fish—many people experience what is known as disenfranchised grief. This type of grief occurs when your loss isn’t socially recognized or validated. In the case of non-traditional pets, others may not understand the depth of your emotional connection, leading to feelings of isolation or even shame in expressing your grief.

It is crucial to acknowledge and validate these feelings, no matter the type of pet you’ve lost. The bond you shared was real and meaningful, and your grief deserves to be honored. Each person processes grief differently, and there is no timeline for "getting over" the loss. Allowing yourself to feel the pain, even if society doesn’t fully understand it, is essential for managing the grief in a healthy way.

For those struggling with disenfranchised grief, particularly after the loss of an unconventional pet, our Personalized Pet Grieving Program offers tailored support to help you through this unique and often unrecognized pain. Over 8 weeks, you’ll receive guidance and activities customized to your specific emotional needs. Our program is designed to help you process your grief in a space where your feelings are fully acknowledged and respected, giving you the tools to navigate this challenging experience.

Ultimately, finding the right support and allowing yourself the time to heal are crucial steps in coping with disenfranchised grief. The emotional connection we share with our pets—whether a dog, a snake, or a fish—is profound, and it’s natural to feel deep sorrow when that bond is broken. You don’t have to go through this alone; our program is here to provide the support and validation you need as you begin your healing journey.